Patiently Waiting with Humility

As I sit here yet again waiting for my precious toddler to be returned to me from a friend, I thought now might be a good time to jot down some thoughts and feelings.

My little one has been away so much because, according to the doctors, my current pregnancy is high risk and I need to be on bed rest. Fortunately, my bed rest is modified, but not much. I can get up to go potty, get myself a drink or snack and shower. Of course, it isn't possible to have someone taking care of my little man all day every day, so I do end up lifting him to and from his high chair during feedings and crib at nap time. It is surprising to me how well he has seemed to adapt to the new circumstances. He understandably gets frustrated with me, but has been reportedly easy and pleasant for anyone who has taken him away for the morning or afternoon. When someone comes over, he almost always goes to them and with them without complaint. Perhaps he knows if he goes with them he will actually get to run around and play with someone! I'm grateful for his wonderful personality and willingness to trust those I allow into my home. My biggest frustration is that I can't be the one who takes him places to play and chases him around and shows him new things like bubbles or digging. But he gives me the sweetest kisses sometimes and shows me he loves me anyway. I also had to stop nursing him to avoid uterine contraction. As I have heard many mothers say, it was easier for him than I expected and harder for me than I expected. I definitely miss the feeling of him being at such peace and feeling so much comfort in my arms that he could just relax and start to doze off in my arms. Yet again, we're still able to show our love for one another.

The greatest blessing has been the extensive network of friends and church family that have stepped up to care for us daily. Every day I fill in and adjust and readjust the schedule for upcoming weeks. Some friends have scheduled themselves on the same day weekly to make things more predictable and that is so helpful! We're talking 2-4 hour shifts of people watching my toddler for me! One friend has been so flexible that she waits to the end of the week to find out where I have scheduling holes and then jumps right in wherever needed. And twice a week, families bring us dinner. It has been a very humbling experience so far. I just hope J continues to be a pleasure and never a big hassle. We're just finishing up week six of bed rest which means we're only a 1/4 of the way through. There are approximately 18 weeks left in this pregnancy, assuming Baby Girl arrives on time. I don't want anyone to get worn out or worn down. We've already battled one cold that even got Daddy sick, but J seems to be recovering just fine.

My bed rest status is the result of a blood clot found behind the placenta. A large blood clot. Although the blood clot seems stable, I am being monitored every other week with ultrasounds and the biggest concern now is that the cervix may become compromised by the frequent blood passing through it. The cervix could soften, shorten, efface too early and perhaps lead to preterm labor. The doctors want to get me to each level of increased viability for fetal survival. The first goal is 24 weeks. Then 28 weeks. A friend of mine from college gave birth to her baby at 28 weeks. The baby was 2 lbs. and they had to stay at the hospital until he reached 6 lbs. I'm definitely favoring bed rest over the early birth and hospitalization potential, so I am happy to get updates every two weeks regarding baby's growth and the health of my body surrounding her. Obviously if we see anything change, I will probably be more concerned, but as it stands right now, nothing is wrong. We are just being cautious. The baby is healthy, I am healthy, I have energy (though I'm not supposed to use it), and everything is fine. There is no need to worry about something that may be nothing. For now, we take it easy, get our check ups, and breathe easy. Stress would only work against us.

To happy babies, happy birthing, and visualizing the best outcome! I'm looking forward to playing with my toddler again, nursing a new healthy baby, and figuring out how to be a mommy of two under two.